Emerging Nurse Leader

A leadership development blog

What is It Like to be on the Other Side of You?

by

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

Recently, I had a conversation with a seasoned nurse manager who told me that she feels like she is becoming a real cynic. She is struggling with her day-to-day leadership of a very young nursing staff team. She feels they not only lack knowledge but also don’t seem either engaged or motivated to evolve as professionals. I listened to her for several minutes as she talked about her frustrations, then asked: Given everything we have talked about here, what do you think it is like for these young nurses to be on the other side of you, experiencing your frustration in their first professional role? She acknowledged that she had never really thought about her leadership in this way. I assured her that she was not alone in any of the challenges we discussed, but how you lead during these changing times has consequences. As nurse leaders, we often focus on our intentions—what we mean to do—while our teams only experience our impact.

Viewing It From The Other Side of You 

In the busyness of a 12-hour shift, your “task-oriented” brain might be in high gear. While you think you’re simply getting things done, your staff might perceive:

    • The Furrowed Brow: They see stress or anger; you’re just concentrating on a budget variance.

    • The Quick Exit: They see a lack of support; you’re just trying to make it to your next meeting on time.

    • The Corrective Feedback: They hear “I’m not doing a good job”; you think you’re “coaching for excellence.”

We all have blind spots that others see clearly, but we may not. Bridging this gap requires a high level of emotional intelligence and the humility to look in the mirror. Some strategies to help you with this include the following:

1. Practice “Check-In” Questions

Don’t wait for annual reviews. Integrate feedback into your daily rounds. Instead of asking “How is the unit today?”, try asking:

  • “What is one thing I could have done today to make your shift easier?”

  • “When I gave that direction during the huddle, how did it land with you?”

2. Find a “Truth-Teller.”

Every leader needs a trusted peer or a mentor who will give it to them straight. Ask a colleague who observes you in meetings to watch your body language and tone. Give them permission to be brutally honest.

3. Monitor Your Emotional Shadow

The leader’s mood is contagious. If you enter the unit “hot” (stressed, rushed, or frustrated), your staff will mirror that anxiety. Before you step onto the floor, take a “poker face” pause. Ask yourself: What energy am I about to project?

4. Use the “Start, Stop, Continue” Framework

In your next staff meeting, provide index cards and ask for anonymous feedback on three points:

  • What should I start doing to better support you?

  • What should I stop doing that gets in your way?

  • What am I doing now that is helpful, and I should continue?

Being “easy to be on the other side of” doesn’t mean being a pushover or avoiding hard conversations. In fact, the best leaders to work for are those who are predictable. When you are consistent in your reactions and transparent about your stress, you create psychological safety. If you are having a bad day, tell your team: “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by these new metrics today, so if I seem distracted, it’s not about you.” That simple act of transparency prevents your team from making up stories about your behavior.

As I discussed with the manager cited in the example above, self-awareness is a muscle; it gets stronger the more you use it. I challenged her to have a conversation with a few of her novice nurses and ask the following question: “I’m working on my leadership—what is one thing you think I could do to be more approachable and supportive of you?” The answers might surprise her, but they are exactly what she needs to hear to grow.

emergingrnleader.com 2026

To effectively lead through these challenges and others, nurse leaders need new tools and strategies. Let me help you as I have helped hundreds of organizations over the past five years.  Book a workshop or keynote for your team by contacting me at roseosherman@outlook.com

Brand New For 2026 and Already Receiving Rave Reviews –  Staying Power Building a Culture of Retention in the New World of Work

Our Most Popular Right Now – The New World of Work Workshop

A Leader Favorite – Building Bridges Not Walls: Leading Multigenerational Work Teams – Click Here for More Information   Building Bridges Not Walls

A Must-Read Book in 2026 – Click Here to Buy