When Staff Overshare

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

A very big challenge for many nurse managers today involves staff oversharing information with them to the point of discomfort. Consider the following story told to me by a leader:

I like to think of myself as a servant leader, but I wonder if things are going too far with some of my team members. Nurses today seem to want to bring their authentic selves to work, including discussing personal issues and providing “way too much information.” I want to be perceived as caring, yet at the same time, I am very uncomfortable with some of what staff share about their personal lives. Sometimes, I get alarmed about their ability to function professionally when their personal lives are such a disaster. It changes how I look at some aspects of their performance. At the same time, when they overshare, then they come back and ask me how I can give them feedback about their time and attendance when they have been so candid with me. How do I get this under control? 

This leader is not alone in her experience. Oversharing at work today is much more common. Gone are the days when you told staff to leave their baggage at home. People engaged in oversharing often have no idea that their behavior in this environment, specifically the workplace, is inappropriate and likely impacts those on the receiving end. They do not realize that they lack boundaries in the conversation and may not have received any feedback about how their behavior creates discomfort in others. The other challenge for leaders is that some of the emotional pain gets transferred to the leader, which can easily lead to burnout and exhaustion.

The best way to get things under control is to set boundaries around personal conversations. When the conversations have become too personal, and you feel uncomfortable, you must re-establish some ground rules. The following are five actions you can take:

1. Call it out – let the staff member know that although their intentions may be good, they are sharing personal information with you that should not be shared in a professional leader-staff relationship.
2. Empathize but don’t sympathize – acknowledge that they are going through some tough things and need to talk with others but not with you.
3. Encourage them to seek professional support – you want to normalize seeking help when one has problems, but be firm about the need for a referral by telling the staff member: Your well-being is my primary concern. You need more help than I can professionally provide.
4. Lead by example – some nurse leaders inadvertently promote oversharing by being the “team mom versus the team coach.” Don’t move into the role of parent with your staff. Keep the conversations professional, and don’t overshare things about your life.
5. Seek support if you have crossed the line with staff – If you find yourself crossing the line in your conversations with staff or have become the “confidant,” you may need to seek support and coaching from other leaders, psychologists, and/or HR about getting back on track. Some situations become very complicated very quickly. Leaders worry if they shut down communication with a very depressed staff member, it could lead to suicide.

Your goal as a leader is not to alienate your staff but to foster a workplace that is respectful of personal boundaries and conducive to professional growth.

© emergingrnleader.com 2024

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