Developing Thicker Skin As A Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

I recently asked a nurse manager who had successfully transitioned through her first year in a leadership role – what advice she would have for a new manager. She recommended that they develop a tougher skin, especially now. She explained that initially, in her role – she spent a lot of time being guilty about the challenges and turbulence her staff was experiencing.  She was getting a lot of feedback, some of which was pretty negative. Nurses today, she explained, feel more embolden to take potshots at their leaders.

I could easily relate to this. When I began working in my first leadership position, I took every negative comment personally. I would go home sometimes feeling quite unsure of myself. I would second guess everything I had done that day. I remember talking with a close friend and colleague about my dilemma. She was pretty blunt in her assessment that “I needed to toughen up if I planned to stay in leadership.” I understood what she told me, but I still was unsure how to become less sensitive to negative feedback. Developing a thicker skin as a nurse leader is necessary, and here are five strategies that can help you do this.

1.  Recognize that most criticism is not about you but rather the situation

Negative feedback can be challenging to take in a leadership role when you work hard, and you may even feel a little under-appreciated by your staff.  Though you may feel this way, most negative feedback is not directed at you personally. Instead, the individual is expressing frustration with their situation. New managers often receive criticism often around staff schedules or assignments. A staff member may say you are unfair or don’t know how to develop a fair staffing plan. They might mean that they don’t like their schedule or assignment and that the work is tough. You could interpret it as a personal attack when it is instead a systems issue.

2.  Discuss the situation with someone you trust to give your feedback

It is easy to misinterpret criticism or overreact to what was said. I have found it helpful in my leadership career to discuss volatile situations with a trusted mentor or spouse. Someone who knows you well can help you to sort the problem out and present a different viewpoint about what occurred. You may just have been hypersensitive so it is crucial to learn what triggers you.

3.  Put a timer on your reaction to the situation, and don’t ruminate

Ruminating about criticism can harm your mental health and undermine your confidence. Set a timer on yourself (24 hours as an example) to think about the situation and then just move on. Recommitting yourself to your work and getting involved in a project that excites you can help you move past negative situations.

4. Acknowledge the truths in the feedback

There is usually some truth in the negative feedback that you receive. Don’t be discouraged by the feedback; take the criticism as an opportunity to improve and grow. Always ask yourself, “Is there truth in what was said here?”  If there is truth to the complaint, acknowledge that you were wrong. Nursing staff have great respect for leaders who can say that they made an error and apologize for it.

5. Focus on something good about your criticizer and mention it in the conversation

When you are being criticized, think of something positive to say to the person giving your the feedback. Statements such as the following can be beneficial to help you defuse the negativity:  Thank you for coming to me directly to discuss your feelings, or I appreciate you taking the time to give me this feedback.  You are not making any judgments about the legitimacy of the input, but you are acknowledging that you hear what is being said.  Often the person criticizing you will be surprised with this comment, and the conversation will end on a more positive note.

Sorting out all the feedback that you receive when you are a new leader is a challenging process. When you deal with criticism over a period of time as a leader, you will develop a thicker skin. You will anticipate that you will receive it and even come to expect it. A promising sign that you are creating a thicker skin is when you no longer need to defend your behaviors or respond to the criticizer. Will the criticism still hurt? Of course, it will, but the sting will last a much shorter time, and you may even smile when you realize your growth.

© emergingrnleader.com 2023

Bring the Nurse Leader Coach Workshop to Your Facility Virtually or Onsite   Click Here for the Nurse Leader Coach WS Flyer

 

 

 

 

 

Other Programs/Books Your Leaders May Find Valuable

From Traditional Nurse Leader to Nurse Leader Coach – Click Here for the Flyer

For new leaders and emerging leaders, consider doing The Nuts and Bolts of Nursing Leadership Program – Click Here for the Nuts and Bolts Flyer Final

New Leader Development Option in 2023 – Team Coaching Designed to the Unique Needs of Your Organization  Leader Coaching Brochure

Read the Nurse Leader Coach – Available at Amazon and Other Book Sellers

Recommended Book by the Association of Critical Care Nurses – The Nuts and Bolts of Nursing Leadership: Your Toolkit for Success