By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN
A nurse manager recently told me that she felt like her unit was being held together by rubber bands and paper clips. She confessed that I am a major control freak, and this lack of predictability in our healthcare environment drives me crazy. I used to have a good sense of what nurses were thinking and who was unhappy. Today, one of my core staff, who had been with me for years, suddenly decided to take a travel assignment now that her kids are grown. I almost lost control when she left my office. I have been a manager for years but no longer feel effective.
This manager asked me how she could regain her feelings of control. Here is the hard part – the feelings of control that she once felt were an illusion. An illusion of control is our inherent belief that we have control over all things that happen in a situation when, in fact, we do not. COVID-19 has unveiled how much is not within our control. When we fail to recognize this, it is easy to lapse into feelings of powerlessness. We talked about what she did have control over, which included her actions and reactions. Control the controllable. She admitted that quite a bit of her ego is wrapped up in “having it all together -all the time.”
During uncertainty, we need to stay present and manage our emotions. When we face difficulty, it is easy to become very anxious about the future. We look for reassurance that our lives will get back on track quickly. You really can’t live in the future today. It is a lesson that alcoholics who go through the alcoholic anonymous 12-step program quickly learn – one day at a time. And so that is the way that living through this current turbulence needs to be approached.
Henry Cloud has noted that life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Sometimes you need to know when to hold them and when to fold them. Learning to let go is difficult but essential. Continuing to ruminate about what has happened doesn’t fix anything, nor does wishing that things were different. When in a crisis, it is vital to think about what is right in your life as a way of calming and centering you. A positive outcome of crises is that letting go of one thing in our lives opens other doors we might not consider walking through if we stay in our comfort zone. Byron Katie has written, “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life have you. It does, anyway. You are just telling yourself a story of how much it doesn’t.” This is good advice for all of us at this time.
© emergingrnleader.com 2022
Workshops are now also available onsite or hybrid.
Our Most Popular Right Now – Become the Boss No One Wants to Leave: Nurse Recruitment and Retention in Turbulent Times Retention WS Flyer
Give your leadership team the gift of a highly rated webinar – Nursing Leadership in 2022: Rebooting after a Life-Quake A Nursing Leadership Reboot Workshop
If you have a lot of new leaders, consider doing a Nuts and Bolts of Nursing Leadership Program – Nuts and Bolts Flyer Final
Read the Nurse Leader Coach – Available at Amazon and Other Book Sellers
Recommended Book by the Association of Critical Care Nurses – The Nuts and Bolts of Nursing Leadership: Your Toolkit for Success
LinkedIn
Instagram