By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN
Nurses and leaders love to be in control. But right now, you have less control than you want or may even need to do your job. Consider the story a manager told us during a recent workshop: “I feel like things are out of control right now in our workplaces. Nurses are more worried about their own needs than those of the patient. To regain our well-being as nurses, we are overshooting it. Everyone seems to be taking mental health days and leaving their units understaffed. When I bring up time and attendance, the next thing I see is the union representative in my office with my staff member questioning how supportive I am. Our contract is pretty lenient about using leave, so I end up backing off.”
This manager asked me how she could regain her feelings of control. Here is the hard part – the feelings of control that she once felt were an illusion. An illusion of control is our inherent belief that we have control over all things that happen in a situation when, in fact, we do not. COVID-19 unveiled how much is not within our control. When we fail to recognize this, it is easy to lapse into feelings of powerlessness. We talked about what she did have control over, which included her actions and reactions. Control the controllable. The union contract is the union contract, and once it is signed, she needs to honor it. She admitted that quite a bit of her ego is wrapped up in “having it all together -all the time.”
During uncertainty, we need to stay present and manage our emotions. When we face difficulty, becoming very anxious about the future is easy. We look for reassurance that our lives will get back on track quickly. You really can’t live in the future today. It is a lesson that alcoholics who go through the alcoholic anonymous 12-step program quickly learn – one day at a time. That is how living through this current turbulence needs to be approached.
Henry Cloud has noted that life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Sometimes, you need to know when to hold them and when to fold them. Learning to let go is difficult but essential. Continuing to ruminate about what has happened doesn’t fix anything, nor does wishing that things were different. When in a crisis, thinking about what is right in your life is vital to calm and centering you. A positive outcome of problems is that letting go of one thing in our lives opens other doors we might not consider walking through if we stay in our comfort zone. Byron Katie has written, “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life have you. It does, anyway. You are just telling yourself a story of how much it doesn’t.” This is good advice for all of us at this time.
© emergingrnleader.com 2024
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