Becoming a Better Listener

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

When leaders ask me what one key thing they can do to become better leaders, my answer is always the same: We can all improve our leadership by being better listeners.

We have data from nurses that suggests we could be doing a better job in this area. What could your organization do to increase your work satisfaction?  That question was asked in the July 2022 ANA pulse survey with almost 12,000 RN respondents. Not surprisingly, improved wages and staffing ranked number one and number two. The third highest priority was genuinely listen to my voice and address my concerns. Of the three top problems, this is the one that nurse leaders have the most control over.

Yet, becoming a better listener can be challenging. In focus groups conducted with nurse managers this year in preparation for my AONL keynote, frontline nurse leaders highlighted listening skills as a competency they needed more help developing.

Listening is both an art and a science.  I was reminded of this when I read the July/August issue of the Harvard Business Review, which included the article When your employee feels angry, sad or rejected. The authors noted, “Our work indicates that more often than we expect, people vent emotions to us without any intention of getting our advice. They may want to feel connected to and heard. But all too often, we jump in and try to fix or defend our position on whatever bothers them even if they would rather we did not.”

The authors recommended that leaders think about their default style when staff bring challenges to them or want to vent about problems in their environments. Three common default styles include the following:

1. The Fixer – every problem has a solution so the leader jumps right into problem solving mode.
2. The Defender – a problem indicates that I am not doing my job so I immediately defend my position.
3. The I have a solution even when there may be no good answer – some problems are truly wicked ones but many leaders assume staff expect them to have all the answers so they jump in with ideas when the right answer may be – “I don’t have a good answer for that or I just don’t know how this will play out.” 

We often forget that there is a link between outstanding leadership and great listening.  Yet, if you look at the content of most leadership development programs, little time is spent on the fine art of listening. Leaders think they need to have all the answers even in situations where they don’t. But it is crucial to realize that it is the listener who decides whether you have communicated or not. Close listening can be so powerful, even without many words. You won’t have to have all the answers – admitting that is creating a vulnerability that will make you more powerful, not less, as a leader. All of us need to be much more Yoda and much less Superman.

The most effective leaders leave followers feeling that they have been heard. Often, all staff wants to do is have an opportunity to vent– not to have you jump in and give advice or defend your position. This is where active listening becomes critical. Active listening is repeating what you hear to the nurse while maintaining eye contact.

Listening starts with asking great open-ended questions. When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you the objective truth. Questions such as:

• Tell me what you are concerned about right now?
• Are there things we can do for you today that will make your work easier?
• What should I know is happening in our environment but might not know?
• What ideas do you have to improve our recruitment and retention?
• When you are short-staffed – how do you decide what to do and what you can miss?
• What question would you like to ask me but are unsure how I would react?
• If you were Queen or King for a day – what one thing would you change in this environment?
• What could we do to help you feel better appreciated?
• What do you wish you could do more of in your role?

We know that the best leaders are learners, and to learn well, we must listen well to learn something new. You will not agree with some things, and it is OK to say – I appreciate your perspective, but I see things differently. Some things said may be hard to hear, but better to know than not. Some things are fixable, and some are not. Our nurses want us to do a better job of hearing their concerns – otherwise, they will voice them, but it will be on an exit interview.

Read to Lead

Bradley, C, Greer L, & Sanchez-Burks, J. Harvard Business Review July-August 2024  When your employee feels angry, sad or rejected.