10 Lessons About Communication from Supercommunicators

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

When asked about their top challenges, nurse leaders will discuss how communication has become more difficult in today’s environment. Best-selling author Charles Duhigg offers some much-needed advice in his latest well-researched book, Supercommunicators. I found ten important leadership takeaways from reading this excellent work:

1. The most critical goal in any conversation should be to be sure that you are making a connection. Without connection, communication does not take place.
2. We engage in three different types of regular conversations. The first is the most practical, which Duhigg describes as follows: What is this really about? In this conversation, we seek out or give information and make decisions. The second type is more emotional, asking, How do we feel? The third type is more social, asking, Who are we?  Miscommunication can happen when there is a mismatch in ideas about what kind of conversation we are having. This can quickly happen if I think you want more information or advice but you want to discuss your emotions and think we are engaged in a conversation about how you are feeling.
3. You may not know what kind of conversation you are having unless you ask. Always allow for goal sharing and learn what others are seeking. As an example, ask a staff member – Do you want me to coach you through this, or do you want to vent?
4. Supercommunicators ask many more questions (10-20x as many) to gain clarity in conversations.
5. Supercommunicators understand that most conversations are negotiations, so finding out what the other person wants is crucial.
6. There are two different kinds of discussions. The first is a practical discussion in which you can use facts and data. The second is an empathetic discussion in which it becomes essential to use stories and emotions.
7. Asking deeper questions about feelings, values, beliefs, and experiences creates vulnerability and connection. The best listeners learn to trigger emotions in the other person, prompting the person to be more honest. Mood and energy are your best nonverbal cues about whether you are successful in building connections.
8. When in a conflict situation, it is essential to understand why the conflict has emerged, what is fueling it, and whether there are zones of agreement. In these conversations, we need to seek understanding by asking questions, summarizing what we have heard, and asking if we have gotten it right. The only things you can control in conflict are your responses, the environment in which you hold the conversations, and the boundaries of the conflict.
9. Communication online is much more challenging so four tactics to use include the following: 1) overemphasize politeness 2) avoid sarcasm 3) express gratitude and deference 4) avoid criticisms in public forums.
10. We all possess social identities that shape how we speak and hear. For example, researchers have found that being anti-vaccine for some has increased self-esteem and a sense of community with others who share our viewpoints. It is essential to call out up front that some conversations, like vaccination, are uncomfortable, and different people hold diverse viewpoints.

Communication is not easy, but as Duhigg points out, you can connect with anyone with the right tools and approach. Our success as leaders depends on our ability to understand and to be understood, but too often, we leave it to chance. Evidence-based communication is the new frontier in leadership today.

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