When Things Seem Out of Control - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

During a recent workshop last week, a critical care director noted that she feels like she is white water rafting right now with staffing challenges adding which is “hard for me as a major control freak.” Things up to this point in her career, her unit had been pretty predictable with some turnover, but now the future was much more uncertain. Things have seemed to spiral out of control with local hospitals offering huge sign-on bonuses and staff leaving for travel contracts. She spends considerable time interviewing new staff and feels uncomfortable when she leaves the unit in the evening with mostly inexperienced staff.

She asked me how she could regain her feelings of control. Here is the hard part – the feelings of control that she once felt were an illusion. An illusion of control is our inherent belief that we have control over all things that happen in a situation when, in fact, we do not. The impact of COVID-19 on the nursing workforce has unveiled how much is not within our control. When we fail to recognize this, it is easy to lapse into feelings of powerlessness. We talked about what she did have control over, including her actions, words, and reactions.

During a time of uncertainty, we need to stay present and manage our emotions. When we face difficulty, it is easy to become very anxious about what the future will hold. We look for reassurance that our lives will get back on track quickly. You really can’t live in the future today. It is a lesson that alcoholics who go through the alcoholics anonymous 12 step program quickly learn – it is one day at a time.

Henry Cloud has noted that life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Over the past few months, nurses have talked with me about things that they have needed to let go of – some personal, others professional. What they feel is grief about their losses. Life as they once knew it is unlikely to return in the same way. Things that they took for granted may no longer be possible, depending on many situational factors. Once confident about their career choices, new graduates are now not so sure that nursing is still the right choice as they enter environments where it can be difficult to find preceptors.

Yet learning to let go is difficult but often essential. Continuing to ruminate about what has happened doesn’t fix anything, nor does wishing that things were different. When in a crisis, it is vital to think about what is right in your life to calm and center you. A very positive outcome of crises is that when we let go of one thing in our lives, it opens other doors that we might not consider walking through if we stay in our comfort zone. Byron Katie has written, “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life have you. It does anyway. You are just telling yourself a story of how much it doesn’t.” This is good advice for all of us at this time.

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