The Illusion of Control - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

During a workshop last week, a nurse confided to the group that she felt a loss of control during COVID-19, which is “hard for me as a major control freak.” Things up to this point, her life had been pretty predictable but now the future was much more uncertain. A role that she had thought was stable and even essential might not be moving forward. She asked me how she could regain her feelings of control. Here is the hard part – the feelings of control that she once felt were an illusion. An illusion of control is our inherent belief that we have control over all things that happen in a situation when, in fact, we do not. COVID-19 has unveiled how much is not within our control. When we fail to recognize this, it is easy to lapse into feelings of powerlessness. We talked about what she did have control over, which included her actions and reactions.

During a time of uncertainty, we need to stay present and manage our emotions. When we face difficulty, it is easy to become very anxious about what the future will hold. We look for reassurance that our lives will get back on track quickly. You really can’t live in the future today. It is a lesson that alcoholics who go through the alcoholics anonymous 12 step program quickly learn – it is one day at a time. And so that is the way that living through this pandemic must also be approached.

Henry Cloud has noted that life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Nurses have talked with me over the past few months about things that they have needed to let go of – some personal, others professional. What they feel is grief about their losses. Life as they once knew it is unlikely to return in the same way. Things that they took for granted may no longer be possible, depending on many situational factors. New graduates, once confident about their career choices, are now facing a very different employment market.

Yet learning to let go is difficult but often essential. Continuing to ruminate about what has happened doesn’t fix anything, nor does wishing that things were different. When in a crisis, it is vital to think about what is right in your life as a way of calming and centering you. A very positive outcome of crisis situations is that when we let go of one thing in our lives, it opens other doors that we might not consider walking through if we stay in our comfort zone. Byron Katie has written, “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life have you. It does anyway. You are just telling yourself a story of how much it doesn’t.” This is good advice for all of us at this time.

Read to Lead

Cloud, H. (2011). Necessary endings: The employees, businesses, and relationships that all of us have to give up in order to move forward. New York; Harper-Business.

Read Rose Sherman’s book – The Nurse Leader Coach: Become the Boss No One Wants to Leave