How to Develop Thicker Skin in Your Nurse Leader Role

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN

When I began working in my first leadership position, I took every negative comment quite personally. I would go home sometimes feeling quite unsure of myself. I would second guess everything I had done that day. I remember talking with a close friend and colleague about my dilemma. She was quite blunt in her assessment that “I needed to toughen up if I planned to stay in leadership”. I understood what she was telling me, but I still was not sure how I could become less sensitive to negative feedback. Developing a thicker skin as a nurse leader is necessary, and here are five strategies that can help you do this.

1. Recognize that most criticism is not about you personally but rather the situation

Negative feedback can be hard to take in a leadership role when you work hard, and may even feel a little under-appreciated by your staff. Most negative feedback is probably not directed at you personally, although you may feel this way. Rather, the individual is expressing frustration with their situation. A common criticism that new managers receive often revolves around staff schedules or assignments. A staff member may say that you are unfair or you don’t know how to properly develop a fair staffing plan. What they really mean is that they don’t like their schedule or assignment. It is framed as a much larger issue, and you could interpret it as a personal attack.

2. Discuss the situation with someone you trust to give your feedback

It is easy to misinterpret criticism or over-react to what was said. I have found it helpful in my leadership career to discuss volatile situations with a trusted mentor or my spouse. Someone who knows you well can help you to sort the situation out and present a different viewpoint about what occurred. You may just have been hypersensitive.

3. Put a timer on your reaction to the situation and don’t ruminate

Ruminating about criticism can be toxic to your mental health and undermine your confidence. Set a timer on yourself (24 hours as an example) to think about the situation and then just move on. Recommitting yourself to your work, and getting involved in a project that excites you can help you move past negative situations.

4. Acknowledge the truths in the feedback

There is usually some truth in the negative feedback that you receive. Don’t be discouraged by the feedback but take the criticism as an opportunity to improve and grow. Always ask yourself the question “Is there truth in what was said here?” If there is truth to the complaint, acknowledge that you were wrong. Nursing staff have great respect for leaders who are able to say that they made an error and apologize for it.

5. Focus on something good about your criticizer and mention it in the conversation

When you are being criticized, think of something positive to say to the person that is giving your the feedback. Statements such as the following can be very useful to help you defuse the negativity: Thank you for coming to me directly to discuss your feelings or I appreciate you taking time to give me this feedback. You are not making any judgements about the legitimacy of the feedback, but you are acknowledging that you hear what is being said. Often the person that is criticizing you will be taken by surprise with this comment, and the conversation will end on a more positive note.

Sorting out all the feedback that you receive when you are a new leader is not an easy process. When you deal with criticism over a period of time as a leader, you will develop a thicker skin. You will anticipate that you will receive it, and even come to expect it. A good sign that you are developing a thicker skin is when you no longer find it necessary to defend all of your behaviors or respond to the criticizer. Will the criticism still hurt? Of course it will, but the sting will last a much shorter period of time and you may even smile when you realize your own growth.

Read to Lead

Garner, R. (2006). Criticism management: How to more effectively give, receive, and seek criticism in our lives. Woodlands, TX: Prescient Press.