Nurse Leader Insight: Our Choice of Words

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN

“You can’t hammer in a nail with words…””No, but you can start a war with them.” Ben Galley

A nurse leader told me a story about a leadership development program that she had recently attended. As part of a take home assignment, they were asked to track for one week how many times they used the word “no”. It turned out to be very informative because she found that she used the word no at least ten times each day. The goal of the assignment was to think more carefully about the leader’s choice of words and recognize words that may be on automatic pilot in conversation.

Words have Power in Leadership

The words that we choose and how we deliver them does make a difference. If a leader is definitive in their language advising staff with such words as “your jobs are secure” or “you will definitely be able to do this” — you need to be prepared to deliver on these promises. Words used by leaders can either signal a high degree of optimism, inclusiveness and teamwork or they can make a leader appear mistrustful and self-centered. Words have the ability to build up the self-esteem of followers or they can cause pain, anger, frustration and emotional withdrawal. Successful leaders understand the power of words and choose words to do the following:

1. Create a Culture of Inclusiveness

The pronouns used by leaders can help build a culture of inclusiveness. Excessive use of the word they on a team is a sign of problems with harmony and teamwork. It also characterizes environments where there is blame game going on. Instead of “they” – leaders need to shift the language to the pronoun “we”. It is one of the most important words in leadership language. It is inclusive, builds a team culture and helps to break down silos in organizations. Never describe anyone as “just a staff nurse”.

2. Encourage Others

Words that are affirming help to make people feel good. Encouraging words help to get others through difficult times. Leaders need to work hard not to cut off conversation with words like ”yes….but or however”. These words indicate that you don’t approve of what has been said. When a team member introduces a new idea, a leader needs to avoid say “I know that” or “I have done that before”. Leaders who excessively use the word “I” instead of “we” may be taking more credit than they deserve in situations. Leaders also need to be careful about their use of the possessive pronoun my using it to describe “my unit” or my team”. This can imply a level of tacit ownership that others may resent.

3. Build Relationships

A key leadership skill is to build relationships with others. Words that recognize the contributions and strengths of others help to create positive relationships. Every leader has probably had the experience of using just the right words in a relationship to help it grow or using the wrong choice of words that made the situation worse. Some choices of words that can be damaging when working with a staff member are: “What you NEED to do …”,“What you SHOULD do …”,“What you MUST do” or “If I were you….I would”. These words can completely shut down a conversation.

As your leadership journey continues, pay attention to how you use these words and listen for them in conversations. Many times, leaders are judged by the words they use. Confucius said that “words are the voice of the heart”. Learning to choose your words wisely will help you to grow into the type of nurse leader your staff will not want to leave.