By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN
A CNO recently asked me how she should be responding to the RaDonda Vaught case. I really have not said anything, she commented – because I am not sure what to say. At the same time, her frontline leaders are telling her that younger staff are concerned and emotional. They show my leaders all the FaceBook posts and TicToc videos from nurses. We are all worried about May 13th – the date of sentencing and how staff will react when RaDonda is sent to prison.
I reminded her that in a sense, saying nothing about a challenging situation is communication. What if you just held a listening session I asked. A listening conversation should be approached with the idea that you as a leader will emerge from the conversation knowing something that you may not know now. Some good questions to ask nurses might include:
- What concerns you most about this case?
- What could we do as an organization to make sure that nurses feel they are supported?
- How can we make sure that what happened, in that case, does not happen here?
We often forget that there is a link between outstanding leadership and great listening. Yet if you look at the content of most leadership development programs, little time is spent on the fine art of listening. Leaders think they need to have all the answers even in situations where they don’t. But it is crucial to realize that it is the listener who decides whether you have communicated or not. That is why close listening can be so powerful even without a lot of words.
Listening is a crucial skill in coaching, and we know that younger generations want their leaders to be more coachlike and less like traditional bosses. To listen effectively, you need to be much more like Yoda and much less like Superman. Being a Yoda means that you restrain from jumping to conclusions and instead listen with curiosity. Coaches should spend 80% of their time listening and only 20% of the time talking. A nurse leader asked me – what do you do if being a Yoda is just not in your DNA? I replied that what’s great about this question is that you are authentic and know the areas you need to work on.
Listening is a skill and one you can learn. Not listening is a habit and one that you can break. A nurse leader shared with me that to stop her practice of breaking into conversations instead of letting others finish their thoughts – she has a sticky note on her computer that says WAIT. It stands for Why Am I Talking. When she does this, she learns to quiet her agenda and be okay with silence.
The most effective leaders leave followers feeling that they have been heard. Often, all staff wants to do is have an opportunity to vent ( I think this is very true with the RaDonda Vaught case)– not to have you jump in and give advice. This is where active listening becomes critical. The basic concept of active listening is repeating what you heard to the nurse while maintaining eye contact.
When leaders don’t listen, staff may feel angry, disappointed, and disrespected. When leaders do listen, their staff are more engaged, feel valued, respected, and more hopeful. Authentic dialogue does not happen when we pretend to listen, and it won’t happen if we don’t listen at all.
Listening starts with asking great open-ended questions. When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you objective truth. Leaders need this to be effective. We know that the best leaders are learners, and to learn well, we must listen well to learn something new.
© emergingrnleader.com 2022
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