Learning to Let Go - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN

It is sometimes said that life is a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. Yet learning to let go is difficult but often essential. I have learned a great deal about letting go in the last 2 1/2 months after two major surgeries to replace my knee joints. Not everything in my rehabilitation has gone as I thought it would and certainly not on the schedule that I had projected. There are professional things that I committed myself to do that I realize now were quite unrealistic and I have had to turn them over to others to finish for me.

Their are few leaders out there who won’t at some point in their life have a crisis either with their job, health, marriage or with their children. Learning to let go of our expectations and the demands that we place on ourselves in these situations can be very challenging. Yet, it can also be very liberating and life affirming. In her new book about her experiences with cancer Undone, author Michelle Cushatt presents four valuable lessons that leaders can use in any crisis situation where they are forced to let go. These include the following:

1. Express Gratitude

When confronted with a crisis, it is important to think about what is good in your life as a way of calming and centering you. This means reflecting on things that you have to be grateful for and frequently thanking those who support you in your crisis. Expressing gratitude reminds us that what we need to let go of is only a part of our life.

2. Stay in the Present

When we face uncertainty, it is easy to become very anxious about what the future will hold. We look for reassurance that our lives will get back on track quickly. You really can’t live in the future today. This is a lesson that alcoholics who go through the AA 12 step program quickly learn – it is one day at a time.

3. Admit You Need Help

I recently spoke with a mentee who is going through an unexpected divorce after years of marriage. She told me that “I have always been the go to person for everyone to help with their problems – admitting I needed help was the toughest thing I have ever done but also the most helpful.” What she has learned is that she has trusted friends and family who are there for her. They remind her about what a great person she is. Talking her situation through with a professional counselor has been very liberating and has allowed her to let go more quickly. As nurses and leaders, we often believe that we should be able to solve all of our own problems and fail to ask for help.

4. Change Your Vantage Point

When we are in midst of a struggle, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture. Yet getting some distance from our crises and changing our perspective can help us to emerge from experiences as wiser and more thoughtful.

Recently, a colleague asked me what I had learned from two major surgeries and two hospitalizations. I tell her that I am a better nurse and I mean it. I have also learned to let go in a way I have never done before which has surprised even me. I also wish I could go back to my younger self when I once worked on an orthopedic unit and tell the veterans that were hospitalized that I now truly understood their experience.

Read to Lead

Cushatt, M. (2015). Undone: A Story of Making Peace with an Unexpected Life. Zondervan Press.

Hyatt, M. 5 Lifelines for finding peace in difficult times. March 2015 Blog.