How Do You Know That To Be True? - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

A new graduate complains to her manager that her preceptor “has it out for me.” The manager patiently listens to the story. It sounded to her like the preceptor was simply giving the nurse some developmental feedback. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary about the situation or what was said. The new graduate ended the story by telling the manager that she needed to do something about the situation right away because her job would be in jeopardy if she continued with the preceptor. The nurse’s thinking seemed catastrophic given what was being described.

The manager was quiet for a minute and then asked the nurse an important question – how do you know that to be true? It was a coachable moment. The nurse had no good evidence that what she was saying was in fact true. She then asked her what would happen if she assumed better intentions on the part of the preceptor. What are other explanations for what happened – have you talked with the preceptor about it?

We all have these moments in our professional and personal lives where we assume the worse – with little or no evidence. We have the power to assume either positive or negative intent in situations. When we become frustrated with someone, it’s easy to allow your inner monologue to tell the story of hate and mistrust. It almost feels natural to turn those who hurt us into villains in our head. But life is never that simple.

Stephen Covey suggests that the way to get better in our relationships is the simple act of “assuming good intentions.” People are rarely thinking about us as much as we would like to believe. It is so easy to feel slighted at a comment from a staff member or colleague with considering that maybe we are just overreacting. By assuming good intentions from the speaker, we can stop the natural instinct to take “offense” at an off-handed comment directed in our general direction and instead focus on the issue that is being raised in the discussion. This type of patience as a leader requires a keen sense of focus and hard work. It means that we don’t always jump to take things personally.

In an interview with Fortune magazine, Indra Nooyi, Chairman & CEO of Pepsi, says that her father was a strong believer in assuming the positive intent and she adopted it as her leadership philosophy. She said, “When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, ‘Maybe they are saying something to me that I’m not hearing.’ So ‘assume positive intent’ has been a huge piece of advice for me.

If you assume positive intent, your relationships with others will be better. It will make you feel better, your relationships will thrive and it’s an approach more greatly aligned with reality. As a leader – challenge staff in their thinking and ask them how they know that what they are thinking is true followed with what if you assumed better intentions.

Read Rose Sherman’s new book available now – The Nurse Leader Coach: Become the Boss No One Wants to Leave

Read to Lead

Covey, Stephen M.R. (2010) The speed of trust: The one thing that changes everything. Free Press.