Exercising More Leadership Diplomacy

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

A nurse leader colleague shared with me that she had received her 360 degree feedback results. A theme in the responses from her peers, supervisor and direct reports was that she often lacked diplomacy when working with others. This was very helpful feedback because a lack of diplomacy could stall her leadership advancement and perhaps even ultimately derail her. In talking with her, she valued her approach of being direct with others but acknowledged that sometimes she did inadvertently cause conflict.

What is Diplomacy?

Leaders who possess diplomacy and tact treat others fairly in a sensitive and effective way, regardless of personal biases or beliefs. Diplomatic and tactful people use appropriate discretion in every situation and work to build understanding with their employees and colleagues. They take into account the feelings of others. When giving difficult feedback or conveying sensitive information, they work hard to preserve the relationship. Diplomacy in leadership also refers to the use of tact in such a way that negotiations, policies, conflicts, interests, and benefits are agreed upon, and both parties are happy with the outcome. It is a unique skill set that some people have naturally while others develop through practice, trial and error.

Being diplomatic allows you to reduce conflict, find common ground, and allow others to save face. It can therefore be an important asset in negotiations and in conflict resolution.Key Ways to be More Tactful include the following:

1. Think before you speak and choose the right environment to get your point across.
2. Pay attention to your timing.
3. Choose your words carefully.
4. Control your body language.
5. Never react when emotional – especially anger.

Examples of Statements to Avoid
* You need to do better next time……… using a pointed you in the conversation will always put the other person on the defensive.
* No offense but…….what follows this statement is usually offensive so it shuts down the conversation.
* Saying an outright NO to an invitation ………can be offensive to the other person. Instead say thanks for thinking of me but I cannot come or cannot do it says yes to the person but no to the invitation.
* You don’t know what you are talking about ……….. dismisses the opinion of the other. Instead say I see things differently and here is why or let’s agree to disagree on this.
* What have you been doing all day ………. suggests that the staff member has been wasting their time. Instead ask them to talk about what they have done today.
* Well, I just assumed ……… anything that follows this usually implies that something is missing or has been left undone.
* That’s not how we do things around here …….. shuts down any new ideas.
* Your procrastination is not my emergency …….. makes the assumption that there is no good reason to expedite a request.

The ability to communicate with diplomacy and tact is a difficult skill to master but one that every leader needs to hone. While as a human being you may feel to express your emotions; as a leader you need to sacrifice this and avoid negative emotions that you might feel around your team. It is important to your leadership success.

Read to Lead
Mindtools (2017). How to be tactful: Responding with Diplomacy and Grace