By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN
“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” Oliver Wendell Holmes
I recently spoke with a nursing colleague who is recovering from a serious illness. When I asked her how she was doing, she told me that the past year had been a very difficult one for her. “I have felt very vulnerable and out of control. Never before in my life have I felt this way. But it is interesting that despite all of the pain and suffering, I have personally grown in ways that I never thought possible. I am not sure that I would have ever taken the time to do this without becoming ill. I am a better leader today than I was in the past because I have a better understanding of what really matters.”
Hearing my colleague describe her experiences reminded me that in every negative situation whether it be illness, the death of a loved one or job loss, there are many lessons learned. Stopping to ask important questions such as – What can I learn from this experience? or What does this experience make possible?– can enrich our lives in unexpected ways. I am reminded of my brother Gene who I wrote about in an earlier blog Chasing Daylight telling me that all of his life he had been a learner. As he faced death, he was determined to learn as much about how to die well as he could and shared his experience in a best selling book.
Nurse leaders today lead very busy lives and often lack the time for reflection that they need. In talking with nurses who have faced serious illnesses or unexpected career challenges, many have told me that it is the first time in many years that they gave themselves permission to just stop and think.
In the case of the nurse leader in the scenario above, she had never been hospitalized outside of childbirth. She was determined to use her illness to look at the healthcare delivery system through the eyes of a patient. She was surprised at some of what she experienced both good and bad. She observed that care today can seem very impersonal through the patients eyes. She observed, “I find myself focusing on different things now when I round on my unit. I ask our patients how they are feeling and really stop to listen for the answer.” Her team managed well in her absence and for the first time she clearly recognized that she was not irreplacable. “It was the first time I had ever taken any extensive time off – I was able to decompress in a way I did not think possible. I also recognized my need to do this to truly heal and I gave myself that permission.”
In talking with a Chief Nursing Officer who recently experienced a sudden job loss, she told me that she was initially devastated but later recognized that maybe this was an opportunity to change direction. “I had always wanted to go back for doctorate but never made the time to do it. I decided to simplify my life and go back to school full-time. It turned out to be the best thing that I could have done for myself, although you could not have convinced me of that the first few weeks after I was fired.”
You can’t always choose what happens to you in life but you do have full control over your attitude as you respond to accidents, illnesses and career challenges. As these stories illustrate, there is much that can be learned from life experiences. If we move past the “why me” to “what can I learn from this” these experiences can be a catalyst to help you grow.
Read to Lead
Hyatt, M. (2012) The Intentional Leadership Blog A Question that Changes Everything.
© emergingrnleader.com 2012
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