The Words that We Use

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.” Buddha

I recently met with a new nurse manager who was struggling in her role. She was relating to me the difficulties that she was having in gaining the cooperation of staff in some of the changes that she wanted to make on the unit. They just don’t seem to care about making things better. I have tried to be positive but no matter what I do – they are pushing back on any change. I can’t do this myself without their support. I asked her who “they” were. “They” she answered, are my staff. As I reflected on our conversation, I realized how much you can learn about a leader, their team and their unit cohesion just by listening to the words that are used in conversation.

Words have Power in Leadership

The words that we choose and how we deliver them does make a difference. If you doubt this, observe the candidates in this year’s presidential race. A few ill chosen words during an interview can lead to weeks of damage control and attempts to get back on message. Words used by leaders can either signal a high degree of optimism, inclusiveness and teamwork or they can make a leader appear mistrustful and self-centered. Words have the ability to build up the self-esteem of followers or they can cause pain, anger, frustration and emotional withdrawal. Successful leaders understand the power of words and choose words to do the following:

1. Create a Culture of Inclusiveness

The pronouns used by leaders can help build a culture of inclusiveness. Excessive use of the word they on a team is a sign of problems with harmony and teamwork. It also characterizes environments where there is blame game going on. Instead of “they” – leaders need to shift the language to the pronoun “we”. It is one of the most important words in leadership language. It is inclusive, builds a team culture and helps to break down silos in organizations.

2. Encourage Others

Words that are affirming help to make people feel good. Encouraging words help to get others through difficult times. Leaders need to work hard not to cut off conversation with words like “yes….but or however”. These words indicate that you don’t approve of what has been said. When a team member introduces a new idea, a leader needs to avoid say “I know that” or “I have done that before”. Leaders who excessively use the word “I” instead of “we” may be taking more credit than they deserve in situations. Leaders also need to be careful about their use of the possesive pronoun my using it to describe “my unit” or my team”. This can imply a level of tacit ownership that others may resent.

3. Build Relationships

A key leadership skill is to build relationships with others. Words that recognize the contributions and strengths of others help to create positive relationships. Every leader has probably had the experience of using just the right words in a relationship to help it grow or using the wrong choice of words that made the situation worse. Some choices of words that can be damaging when working with a staff member are: “What you NEED to do …”,“What you SHOULD do …”,“What you MUST do” or “If I were you….I would”. These words can completely shut down a conversation.

In the case situation above, I urged the nurse leader to think carefully about her use of the word they and how it might be perceived by members of her team. As your leadership journey continues, pay attention to how you use these words and listen for them in conversations. Many times, leaders are judged by the words they use. Confucius said that “words are the voice of the heart”. Learning to choose your words wisely will help you to grow into the type of nurse leader your staff will not want to leave.