Becoming a Better Listener - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC,FAAN

The art of listening is an overlooked leadership tool. Yet, we know that leaders who are good listeners are better at building trust and promoting loyalty. I once worked with a senior nurse leader who wore a rubber band on her wrist. I was curious as to why she did this. She told me that she had to resist her urge to immediately jump into conversations to add value. She said she was not a good listener and this had come up in her 360 degree evaluation. Whenever she felt the urge to jump into a conversation, she pinged herself with the rubber band as a reminder to stay silent and listen.

As a leader, it can be difficult to know what employees are really thinking unless you take the time to sit down and listen to them. Glenn Llopis makes the point that “Those who do listen to their employees are in a much better position to lead the increasingly diverse and multigenerational workforce. The one size fits all way of thinking has become outdated and those who embrace the high art of listening are destined to be the better, more compassionate leaders.” To become a better listener, consider implementing these 5 strategies:

Be fully present – Leaders need to be fully present when engaged in a conversation to understand what is being said. This means no multitasking. Don’t read email or text message and ignore phone calls unless urgent. It also means not focusing on your response to what is being said.
Ask open-ended clarifying questions – Michael Bungay Stanier has some great suggestions for open ended questions in conversations with staff.What’s on Your Mind? (then be silent and listen)And What Else? (avoid being an advice monster)What is the real challenge here for you?What do you want?How can I help?
Avoid being an advice monster – Leaders often see themselves as experts and feel compelled to be the expert and offer a solution to a problem right away. The problem is that we can jump to conclusions and suggest what should be done before the other person has fully explained his or her perspective?
Embrace silence – Aim to talk no more than 20% of the time in a conversation. Don’t feel obligated to respond to every comment. If there is a lull in the conversation – be OK with it. Sometimes the most profound thoughts will follow.
Enter every conversation with the assumption that you will learn something – See conversations as a way to gain insight and knowledge that you don’t already have rather than an imposition on your time. If you believe that there is something to be learned, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Read to Lead

Bungay-Stanier, M. (2016). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way You Lead Forever. Toronto: Box of Crayons.

Llopis, G. (May 20th, 2013 Forbes Blog). Six ways listening can make you a better leader.