The Art of Giving and Receiving Advice as a Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, FAAN

“I really need your advice”. During the course of our careers, we either ask or are asked this question numerous times. When done well – both parties benefit from the experience. But this sometimes does not happen. Those giving advice sometimes overstep their boundaries or move outside their area of expertise. Advice seekers may take time and energy from those who advice they seek only to ignore everything that was said to them and instead rely on their own opinions regardless of the facts. In a very interesting article in the January issue of the Harvard Business Review, authors David Garvin and Joshua Margolis provide guidance on the art of giving advice based on research done at the Harvard Business School. They suggest that giving good advice and openly receiving advice that is given can be more challenging than it looks.

Roadblocks for Advice Seekers

Thinking you already know the answer – Some advice seekers look for guidance just to gain validation or praise (ie. checking the box that you have checked with others).
Choosing the wrong adviser – Some advice seekers only approach like-minded individuals and never get the full range of opinions.
Defining the problem poorly – Some advice seekers either have trouble defining a problem that need advice with or leave out key details that would be essential to give good advice.
Discounting the advice – A common mistake for advice seekers is to undervalue the advice that is given to them especially if the advice is not comfortable to listen to.
Misjudging the quality of the advice – Advice from different sources could be very variable and the advice seeker needs to make good decisions. Sometimes the advice is good but outdated for today’s environment.

Roadblocks for Advice Givers

Overstepping boundaries – when advice is unsolicited or goes outside the dimensions of what is asked for (ex. giving marriage advice to someone having a career dilemma), it may be considered intrusive and will be ignored.
Misdiagnosing the problem – advisers may come to closure too quickly on a problem often based on their own life experiences which may or may not be relevant in the situation.
Offering self-centered advice – advisers may be tempted to say “here is what I would do in this situation” instead of offering the kind of empathetic insight that will lead the seeker to make his/her own decisions.
Communicating advice poorly – advisers may offer recommendations that are too vague or use terms like “align your values with those of your employer”. This advice could prove meaningless because it lacks specificity.
Mishandling the aftermath – some advisers are very offended when their advice is not totally accepted.

A Five Step Process that Works

There is a better way to seek and give advice the authors suggest using a five step process:

Step One – Find the Right Fit

Those seeking advice need to find the right person or persons to ask for advice based on the situation at hand. Advisers need to ask themselves whether they really have the expertise needed to help and if not – identify someone that has it.

Step Two – Develop a Shared Understanding

Clear communication is needed on both ends to carefully define the problem or situation where guidance is needed.

Step Three – Craft Alternatives

There are rarely just a few choices in situations so crafting a set of options is an important component for both advice seekers and givers.

Step Four – Converge on a Decision

Evaluate and talk through a number of options that could work – the decision will ultimately be for the advice seeker to make.

Step Five – Putting Advice into Action

It is the responsibility of the person seeking advice to act on information. They should follow-up and let the adviser know what happened and the adviser can often further advice if needed.

The authors caution that it is a mistake to think that giving or receiving advice is a one step process that can be done in a hallway conversation. It is really much more complex if done well and also requires creativity. Done well as a nurse leader – it can be a real win-win.

Read to Lead

Garvin, D.A. & Margolis, J.D. The art of giving and receiving advice. Harvard Business Review. January-February Issue. p. 61-71.