Leadership Boundaries - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

One of my younger graduate students took a nurse manager position six months ago on the same unit where she had begun her career as a staff nurse. Initially, she was very excited about the promotion but now she is having second thoughts. Many of her friends now work for her. One recently defriended her on Facebook and she feels badly about that. She is finding it hard to both maintain the friendships and hold her former peers accountable.

It is not unusual for young leaders to struggle with boundaries in their first position. There is a desire to keep close personal friendships and social circles yet a realization that this may not be either possible or desirable. In a recent podcast, Tom Henschel a leadership expert discussed this dilemma. He pointed out that internal promotions are often accompanied by a certain amount of fear on the part of the leader and the followers. The situation inevitably has feelings attached to it. He has found that the reactions of your peers will be on a bell curve. About 20% of the staff will be really happy for you. The greatest number around 60% will not have a strong opinion one way or another. The remaining 20% will be unhappy sometimes very vocally. He recommends that you don’t want to spend all of your time with the 20% who are unhappy that you are in role – you will not change their ideas through discussion but only by the leadership actions that you take.

Once you become a leader, things do change and your boundaries will need to change as well. Some friendships will remain but will be different than before. Others, you will not be able to sustain. Your role as a leader is to treat everyone fairly and this should be the way that you are perceived by staff. “Being friends” – should not be the goal although you do want strong supportive relationships. Leaders have to consider who they socialize with and whether these events are inclusive or exclusive.

The best way to handle a situation where you worry about boundaries and the perceptions of your former peers is to have an intentional conversation after you are selected during which you acknowledge that things will be different. You want to listen carefully to their feelings and concerns. At the same time, you do need to be firm about the expectations in your new role. Remember as a leader, you are expected to build the culture including what behavior is going to be allowed and what isn’t. The boundaries you set for yourself and others will define and shape the success of the unit.